With This Feeling I'll Forget
by Lupin3Black
Summary: Sirius has never been sure of anything, and he still isn't. But he doesn't care as long as he has his beautiful Moony holding his hand through all of it, with his pointed chin raised defiantly against the rest of the world. SiriusxRemus. Please Review guys!


I'm not quite sure what I'm doing.

I'm never been properly sure of what I should do, I just kind of roll with it, let it see where it all takes me. But this is Remus, I have to do this properly, make each move with care and precision, because this is my beautiful, scarred, Remus. And yet, I'm still not sure what I'm doing.

His back is pressed against my chest, his head resting gently on my arm as his chest rises and falls simultaneously. It's dark in the common, yet shadows are chased away by the bravery of the flames, that remain safely contained in the hearth, giving out a warmth that curls itself tight around Remus and myself. I press my lips to his long neck and feel the reassuring flutter of his steady heartbeat beneath it. Breathing in his unique scent of new parchment and chocolate, I sigh happily, this feeling of contentment confuses me, but the confusion is welcomed now because my Remus is so beautiful that it hurts sometimes.

He's still dressed in his school uniform, but before James went to bed, I made him ease off his polished school shoes, I'd have done it for him, but I didn't want to move and disturb him from his obviously much needed slumber. My legs are intertwined with his long, skinny ones and his head lolls back against my shoulder. I can't help but smile gently and press a kiss to his cheek bone. I can't quite name the fluttery feeling in my stomach, and the fact that my heart seems to be doing jumping-jacks frightens me. Everywhere Remus is pressed against me is tingling with electricity. It scares me, but I could get used to the feeling of being terrified.

I want to keep him warm, but he's still freezing so I hold him tighter still, willing the heat to warm Remus's cold skin. I know that I should probably take him up to bed but he looked exhausted when he fell asleep, it would kill me to wake him up now. His eyes are closed and his eyelashes are fanned out against the pale expanse of his cheekbones, his beautiful amber eyes that I find myself drawn too are concealed behind his eyelids and surrounded by a sickly looking grey, that'll be fixed with a good night sleep and yet, still knowing this fact, worries me.

I'm never worried, except when it comes to Remus. I may be concerned about James at times, but I know that James is a big boy with Lily to take care of him. My Remus is all alone, I've no doubt that he could protect himself but he shouldn't need too, he's too wonderful to even contemplate attacking, but he's got me now, and I'll break anyone who lays a finger on him. I still worry though, I worry about whether or not he's getting enough sleep, even though I know he is because I usually sleep in his bed. I worry about how much food he eats, I never think he eats enough but I sit beside him so I know his portions are a decent size, add on the insane amount of chocolate the boy eats and one could say that he eats too much. I'm frightened on full moon nights, and I'll do anything to help him, including becoming an animagus, but that still can't stop the agony he goes through when he transforms and that in turn rips my heart out and throws it against the harsh, wooden floorboards of the shrieking shack.

And yet, I can't remember being happier.

I remember in the time before now, how conflicted I was about how I properly felt. I remember feeling from hate to love, from love to lust, from lust to truth, until I just got so angry with everything and told Snape-and I told Snape and-I told him! I told him after I promised! I promised Remus that I'd never-never tell. And then, I did. And Remus hated me, and I remember that feeling that came with that too, with all too much familiarityThe constant self-loathing combined with sorrow and torture that constantly plagued me during every single hour of my lonely days.

And then Remus came to me, one day out of the blue and just hugged me to his chest. I was in the dormitory by myself, and my wrists were bleeding because goddamnit!-I deserved that pain for everything I put Remus through-then the wizard himself storms into the dormitory and hugs me, his thin arms wrapped tight around my shoulders chasing the coldness away into the wind. I was so relieved that I broke down crying, I didn't want to cry but Remus provoked the action within me and he told me that he'd hurt me if I ever hurt myself again.

I never did, and the scars healed over time but still faded white lines obscure my tanned wrist, Remus is the only one that knows. Remus is the only one that knows a lot of stuff about me, like how I go to bed with clean socks on when I'm ill, or like how when I'm tired I like to have my back rubbed below my shoulder blade and no where else. He knows all the good stuff, the bad stuff, my quirks, my dislikes. He knows more stuff about me than I do.

And it scares me. Because I don't quite know what I'm feeling. But this feels like falling in love. And I'm falling in love with Remus, and I should be crying or yelling or something other than this goddamned feeling of utter happiness. But I can't, so I hug Remus a little tighter, I knew what I was getting into when I kissed him, and he kissed back. But this is all new territory and I'm loving every single minute about it. I don't want to be loud and obnoxious like I am now, Remus deserves better than that. I don't want to parade him about like a pair of new shoes, I want to keep him tucked up and warm, like the pair of old slippers that I favoured so much.

He needs someone who'll cherish him, who'll hold his hand proudly in the corridors and kiss his cheek at dinner time just to see the red hue spread itself over his pale cheeks. And I feel like I'm ready to be that person.

I shake him gently, not wishing to wake him but knowing that if I don't, then he'll end up with a crick in his neck. "Remus." I murmur gently into his ear, not wanting to startle him awake, "C'mon moons, it's time for bed." He stirs slightly and turns in my arm so my stomach is pressed against his. I smile at him as the fair-haired boy stubbornly keeps his eyes closed, even though he's already slipping into consciousness. "Moony..." I hum quietly, as his eyes blink open and he stares at me quietly.

"P'df't." He mutters still half-asleep as he blinks the sleep from his eyes in a manner I can't help but find adorable, "Wh't 're we doin' down 'ere?" He mumbles, scrambling into a sitting position and scratching his head. Remus stares at me, and I catch his gaze and quirk a smile. "What?" I ask him, intrigued by his non-stop staring, he looks away quickly, a familiar rosy blush spreading across his normally, pale cheeks as he ducks his head away from me.

"Nothing." He says quietly, keeping his eyes fixed on the rug in front of us, seemingly entranced by the golden tasseled splayed across the floor, I shuffle forward and place my hands on his knees, "Honestly, what?" I ask again, curious to know what he was thinking so intently about.

"It's just-it's just I thought you looked beautiful there now!" Remus blurted out, biting his lip and turning his wide-eyed gaze on me, as if I'd hit him or something. We were constantly hovering in that stage of being in between dating and best friends, so I'd guess he'd feel scared about admitting something like that.

I don't want him to feel scared.

"Remus," I cup his face with my palm and lean in slowly, his bright amber eyes that know me so well are still wide open, staring at me in shock, we've only kissed that one time, so apart from pecks on the cheek or forehead, then this is relatively new for us, the flames from the fire are reflected in his eyes and my breath catches when I see the adoration, love and need barely contained in the pupils that are trained on my face, "Remus, I'm in love now."

"Oh." Remus says quietly, tearing his eyes away from me. Oh? That's not exactly the reaction I was hoping for. Remus's face is filled with disappointment and despair. Was I reading him wrong? Does he not-does he not love me as well? Should I take it back-

"Who with?" His soft, velvety voice echoes briefly across the silence of the deserted and I've never known a silence quite so loud, it pulses in my ear with determination to be heard. I look at him, confusion written all over my.

"What?"

"I'm happy for you." Remus's voice breaks and he forces a smile and turns it toward me, he may be smiling but I can see the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes and I want to chase them away with my lips. "Who's-who's the lucky girl-" he cringes with the word 'girl' but continues, "-then Pads?"

Wait-what?

"What are you blathering on about, Rem?" I ask him, smiling gently when hope flickers like a beacon across his scarred face. "Why would I want a girl, when I can have you?" I crawl across the sofa toward him and stare honestly into his face, "I love you, Remus. Not some bloody bird."

He lets out a smile like it's his best friend and tears of relief fall from his golden eyes, clinging to his eyelashes before falling down his cheek. "I-I love you, too." He chokes on his words and I pull him close, one hand on his pointed chin to raise it towards me, the other on the arm of the chair behind him for balance.

I place my lips against his soft, pink mouth and hold them there, gently moving so as not to scare him away. There's no fire works, or jolts of electricity but there's a warm, sated feeling starting pit of my stomach that stretches to the very tips of my being that's better than any cliché.

Because he's my Remus, and everything with him is better. And I may not know what I'm doing, but I'm doing it with him holding my and and beaming. His chin having an upward tilt to it, defiant to the insults of the rest of the world. And I may be worried, but he'll banish my concerns with one crooked smile that never fails to send my heart skittering. And then he'll kiss me, softly and sweetly. Like he wants to be loved.

(Kissmekissmekissme)

My hearts against your chest,

Lips pressed to my neck.

I'm falling for your eyes,

But they don't know me yet.

And with this feeling I'll forget

I'm in love now.

(Kissmekissmekissme)

**A/N So this is a song that I listen to when I've had a bad day. And yesterday wasn't the best and I just wanted a bit of closure so I wrote this. The song is Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran. I just can't explain the feeling I get when I listen to it, but I know that I like it. I urge you guys to listen to it because it's a truly beautiful song.**

** ~Lupin3black**

** P.S I got more flames yesterday but in PM form, they said that I was a horrible writer with bad plots. Merlin knows that that didn't necessarily make my day any better. I'm sick of getting these, I know it's a part of writing to accept criticism but this was just plain rude. I don't want to stop writing, but maybe I should, I dunno. Bye guys, hope y'all are doing better than me.**

**Please review!**


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